Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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