i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
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