so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
