I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
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