I want to stick my p in your. b.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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