Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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