Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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