You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
