like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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