do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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