I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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