Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
