It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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