He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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