Whod you bang
literally had 100 drinks last night.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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