Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
