Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
