I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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