I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
