college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
