I can text with my tongue
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
