She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
