I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
