Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize