the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
