There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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