I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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