You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
