Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize