4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
