Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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