I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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