I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
