see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
