I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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