i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
