he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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