i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
