i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
