I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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