Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
