I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
