i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
