remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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