does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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