i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I touched a dick in church today
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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