You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im holly from the hills drunk
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize