Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
FUCK WHALES
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
