i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
