i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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