Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize