omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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