farters have to be the big spoon...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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