im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
