Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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