I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
