I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Bring me that man meat
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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