I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize