i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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