she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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