But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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