is your mom at the bar?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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