let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
