what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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