I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
