Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize