Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
