But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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