in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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