apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
