Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
