You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
