My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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