Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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