omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
