When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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