I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
