he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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