I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
