I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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