I want to stick my p in your. b.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
