So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
