dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
