No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
whose ass print is on the piano?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize