girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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