I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
