i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
