I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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